Emotionally Unstable (Functioning) Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder

 

 

I have decided to be brave today and talk about the struggle I have with my mental health.

I started this blog with so much positivity and excitement, and to some, it may appear strange that I have abandoned my goal so soon.

But then, you see, I have this invisible enemy. It creeps up on me and attacks, when I am least expecting it. It has the power to rob me of my joy and throw me off balance for several days at a time, affecting my ability to function. This enemy hones in on my emotions and sends them spiralling out of control. It saps me of energy and direction.

When I am 'under attack', I feel like a child lost in the midst of a foreign country, with no one to turn to and nowhere to hide.

There can be three main ways of responding to this emotional threat:

1. Soldier on and try to pretend that there is nothing wrong.

2. Desperately find someone to talk to, who might somehow understand the pain I feel inside and help me to make it go away.

3. Eat as many tasty things as I happen to have in the house, all at once.

4. Stay in bed and sleep to avoid facing the pain.

5. Run around shouting at everyone

The problem with the first option is that my thoughts can become ever more extreme and destructive.

The downside of the second option is that I can make a fool of myself and revert quickly back to the first option. Of course this leads me on a vicious cycle of negativity.

I think the problem with the excessive use of the last three options (food, sleep and shouting) is self evident, because when they become my default mode, these choices can create problems in themselves!

I know that my condition makes me seem dependent and uncertain of myself.
But this is not the real me. I want my friends to know this and be patient with me.
I am in pain and this pain is probably incomprehensible to most people.
But there is one thing I know for sure:  I am determined to overpower this enemy within myself and learn to stabilise these debilitating emotional attacks, by whatever means.

I hate the label. It was created by an archaic psychiatric team. But at least they helped to kick start the process of self discovery and encouraged people to explore these conditions. And the treatment available to help sufferers is amazingly helpful. I would recommend it to everyone who struggles to understand and live with their emotions.

I will return to this post as and when I have time.

But right now we have a Science Class to go to and then I have a very special friend to meet for a rare chance to snatch a cup of coffee and have a good chat.

Thanks for dropping by and I hope that the things I have shared with you will be helpful to those of you who may be struggling with the same condition. It might even help my friends to understand me a little better.

This is my hope.

We must never lose hope. There is hope for everyone.


Mary